I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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