i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
