Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
