Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
