The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize