she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
