WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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