Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
