Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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