Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
