i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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