It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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