i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
