So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
