I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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