I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
