Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
