Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
