why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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