I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to get me chipped asap
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