Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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