I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
