Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
