Just cropdusted the office
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
