Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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