I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
