Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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