I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
