ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize