Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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