90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
