Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
