So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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