At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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