you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to make out with him forever
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
