I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
