You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
