overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
