And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
