I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm passing your future prison.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
