All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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