You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize