My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
