and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
