i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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