The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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