every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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