I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
