I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
