the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
