i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize