we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
