Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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