You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
