It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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