you have to choose: penises or morals?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You took a bar mat shot.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
