My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
