I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
nutella sex= disaster
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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