I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
