Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
