dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
