I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
