just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
