I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
