I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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