people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
