then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
