CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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