I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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