I just threw up on my dentist
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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