and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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