You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
